• Elin Huws

Get out of your own way.

Fear, self-sabbotage, and making any excuse not to achieve what we want to achieve are in all of us. Self-sabbotage is us preventing ourselves from achieving what we want to achieve, either be it conciously or subconciously. It can affect our relationships, careers, health goals and much more. Fear is also a part of it, as fear is that little voice in your head that gives you doubts about any idea or circumstance that appear in your life, doesn't matter how good it is. Even when an amazing opportunity turns up, or we achieve a goal or dream and seconds into it we will have doubts, fear thoughts and negative thoughts of disbelief that we are not worthy of what has just accumilated.

Why do we do it? Well our body and mind is made to protect us. When it comes to fear, we have a natural fight or flight response. Which is amazing when a big fierce dog chases us or when we need to escape a really dangerous scenario for our own safety. But on a day to day basis this primal instinct can be more of an obstacle than it can be useful. It can literally freeze us from achieving a lot of things in life. Plus sometimes it can even happen and we don't realise that it is happening. That this fear voice in your head is actually controling you. When the actual fearful thoughts are just that, thoughts, they are lies not truth. We try to predict the future, 'what if this happens?' or 'what if she /he does that or says that?, What if I fail?' What if you fail? The truth is we don't know what other peple are thinking, and we don't know what will happen tomorrow. Out of failure comes growth, there are so many lessons that come out of failing. We are complex beings, and no one has it all worked out.

We are all learning and expanding and growing, evolving in our own time.

When we become less hard on ourselves, and start to listen to our thoughts and take note of what we are telling ourselves it can be a huge eye opener. A lot of those fearful self- sabbotage thoughts come from other peoples beliefs systems. What we were told as a child, from our teachers, parents, siblings, who ever we had in our lives at that time created our thoughts and influenced our beliefs about ourselves. We started to believe what other people told us about us. Until we take a step back and take note and ask ourselves, what do I want? What do I believe to be true? What are my beliefs?

Then we have imposter syndrome, where we can feel like we're are a fake even if you we're really successful. Anxiety can arrise from this, because simply we don't believe in ourselves enough, then we think that we don't deserve happiness or success, then it ends in us sabbotaging our own success.

Living within your own comfort zone to feel safe is fine, but there is no growth in that. Doing small things that take you out of your comfort zone, as often as you can brings with it growth and takes the fear away. The only thing to do when you feel fear is to go ahead and do it. If you fail, it doesn't matter, because you tried. That is better than living with the regret of not knowing. I once did the high ropes with my kids. Having a fear of heights, I thought, either I let that control me or I do it and work through the fear. I was so petrified of falling. But I did it anyway. I held on tight, and thought, I'm the only one in control here, not my fear. As my kids glided around effortlessly and patiently waited for me at the end, the sense of achievement was huge. The second time, there was no fear, it had gone. What would you do if you were not affraid? If you couldn't care less of others judgements, and had such self love and self belief that you felt anything was possible? Start small, I can now hold a spider and put it outside. Not the very big black hairy ones, but I'm working up to that!

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